When 21 Probably Means 12

The day started out good. Happy hour and dinner with a few of my coworkers. Nevermind that they all had kids my age - it was still a good time. I've always gotten along well with those older than me, near my parents age. Not that I've ever been best friends, but being one of the youngest in my extended families lent me to be one of the last ones still living at home while everyone else had "grown up". Enter many weekends where I was the only one around under the age of 45 (minus the pets).

Night plans were set. I hadn't been downtown in so long. The surgery had damn near squashed my social life, and damn near my social energy.

Antigua is never my club of choice. To stereotype, it closely fits the mold that is clubs downtown that allow those under 21 to enter. But the website said free entry and free drinks, and since I was going with Stocking I was relegated to the likes of Antigua.

After a search for a free parking spot, because really - free entry and free drinks means nothing if you have to pay for parking, and walking the blocks to the club we are turned away. Well, not so much turned away as told it would cost $15 for both of us to enter.

Screw that. I'd rather get drunk at home. THAT'S free.

On the way to Antigua we got peppered with flyers for a thing Dragon Room was having. After the notorious night that they were charging girls over 21 $10 to get in, I had some evil feelings towards the establishment, but figured it was worth the effort before scratching the night.

Oh what a well placed afterthought can do for a girl.

I asked one of the bouncers what the cover was. He looked at me with a confused look on his face. Seriously, I thought bouncers were supposed to know that stuff. [I guess he's never in charge of the money.] He turns around to a co-worker, and before he can utter the question that guy steps up.

"Dude, anytime hot girls ask you how much cover is tell them it's free." As he shows us into the line to get carded and enter, free of charge.

[In hindsight of the day after, there's a good chance we got in free because the club was rather empty. But I prefer to stick with the thought that we really were looking that good, and well, the rest of the night tends to agree with me.]

The first guys that approached us were, well lacking in pick up skills to say the least. I mean, the worst way to warm up a girl is to point out the obvious. It was entertaining to see how much abuse they put up with. It was a lot. At least it made me smile.

The next was British fellow. He was here on vacation, but had knowledge of a pick-up artist convention going on at his hotel. Strange for him to have that knowledge. I honestly had this feeling that he was trying out those techniques on us (though he insisted that he was not part of said convention), but harmless fun is indeed just that.

After that, and some clever times between Stocking and myself, two Argentinean guys came up to us. We obliged more for the opening offer of drinks more than anything else. [I'll fully admit that I do this sometimes - but only with guys I'm not interested it. No girl ever turns down free drinks, well, if she's drinking.]

We ran off to the dance floor, as I managed to get Stocking pretty drunk. [She's such a light weight.] I spotted a cute guy, and put to the test the theory that guys really can be easy to lure in.

All you need is a hot girl friend, a good song (say Katie Perry's "I Kissed a Girl"), and a good sense of humor. Enough guys will be looking soon enough even without the requisite "lets make out" mentality of other females.

I pulled the cute guy over to dance, and his friend grabbed Stocking, and we dance. Much to my chagrin he was an awful dancer. Compounded by the fact that he just couldn't even take a guiding hip on how to follow the beat.

But he was cute. And they had a bottle in VIP. I was just out for a fun time that night. To recapture that bit of me.

I can't say I feel bad about going out and getting free drinks from guys I'm not totally interested in. I don't make any pretenses. When I'm out for a fun time, I have it - and make sure the people I'm with are too.

And man was it fun.

I think part of it was seeing Stocking in that element. In some ways she reminds me of myself when I was younger [wow, I'm really old enough to say that now]. Though she wasn't in as much of the party scene as I was freshman year, so I still have a bit I can teach her.

The night ended with an invite back to their "after party" and a lively political discussion on the ride back to the "party".

There really wasn't a party. Just the group we were dancing with back at their house. One still drinking, the other back with his ex, and the guy I was dancing with off in a dark room talking to someone in a room.

At that moment I remembered why I usually turned down the after party. No party starts at 3 am, only the parties that are still going at 3 am are worth heading to.

We left. Stocking just wanting to sleep, and me missing Abz like I probably shouldn't right now.



The next night I was getting sent insulting texts from a number I didn't know. The guy from the night before was the only one I have given my number to in the last month.

The insults stopped with my last response.

What are you? 12??

Sometimes the night really should just end as a fun, anonymous night in the lights.

~GF

Maybe Being a Little Bit Bitchy Isn't That Bad

Ok, so maybe I'm not entirely being bitchy. I rarely have it in me to keep it up that long - at least with most people. [*ahem* V and other jerk-wads not included.]

But it always irked me. I had bitch moments, I was not a bitch, yet it was the bitches that had the boyfriends. The bitches that some how roped the guy that I wanted. The bitches getting married and the bitches being adored.

Basically, the bitches got everything I wanted and I just got to sit around perplexed that guys actually wanted that.

So the easy conclusion was that if I became a bitch, then I would get that.

But I could never do that.

I'm a bitch only when provoked. Sometimes the provocation isn't worth a bitchy reaction, but I was still provoked.

In reality, it boiled down to the fact that I couldn't swallow being something I'm not just to get a boyfriend. I like my clothes, and the vast majority of the time I enjoy the skin I am. No need for me to change scenes.

Besides, I honestly can't respect someone that would allow themselves to be treated that badly.

The few times I've been yelled at in public by a guy trust that we were very close to a break-up. Without well needed graveling and a serious attempt at never doing that again, I would not have stayed. It's just not right to treat someone that bad in public. Fights in private might get bad, but at least no one sees it.

And I hate being bossed around myself, why would it be acceptable for me to do it to someone else? Any guy that's trying to be in a relationship with me knows pretty soon off to not cross me when I want to hang out with my friends or tell me to stop seeing my guy friends. I just won't stand for it.

Yet, I did find that sometimes being bitchy gets you what you want. Luckily, since I don't act that way often, I'd like to think that I didn't come off that bitchy. Or maybe he just wanted to do what I was demanding and was happy to oblige.

I hadn't seen Abz in over a week and was quite frustrated with him. While I wouldn't blame him if he was sincerely busy (I later learned a friend from out of town was visiting all weekend) not hearing from him was not cool. I don't care if he's not a phone person.

Seeing as almost every other guy I've dated has decided to give me the brush off by just randomly picking a day to stop returning my calls, I was caught in the grip that maybe that was what was happening. Not that I had tried to contact him, but he blew me off of sorts and we always hung out on the weekends. So this was cause of concern.

I finally got over that awful, regurgitated feeling, and decided to at least contact him before condemning him to blowing me off.

He wasn't, but was going out the night I contacted him (with said friend from out of town).

So I employed my bitchy side the next day.

Hey - just so you know you're coming over tonight.

Lol. Ok.

Call me after work or when you're heading over so I know when you're coming.

Ok.

And, miraculously [as a part of me was thinking he'd be a no-show], he showed up and was his same old self. Taking me in his arms and giving me a kiss.

Now that that's settled, I guess I have more important notions to entertain when it comes to him.

~GF

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

So I had my surgery this past Thursday, and had grand plans for the downtime.

Of course, this all started with the idea of having a clean room. Which I did not have, and could not bother me much as I was incapable of cleaning up.

I was given vicodine for the pain. While it did great wonders for the pain, I didn't really feel any other effects that are touted. Well, except for getting incredibly nauseous at me second dose. [Thankfully after I ate I was fine. I think I would have cried if I couldn't take the pills.]

Abz stayed with me all day Thursday until I had to leave (actually, I left him half asleep in my bed). I called him to tell him things went well (after I called the 'rents and B - hey, B was the one most concerned about this whole thing and I didn't want to forget calling him. I knew I'd remember to call Abz) and he was getting to play soccer.

I texted him to come over if he wasn't working (or after work) if he wanted and almost five minutes later the nausea hit like a train and I texted him to come over because I felt like shit. He asked if he could eat first, and I obliged - seeing as there wasn't much he could do for me feeling like crap other than comfort me.

That was pretty much the most exciting part of the weekend. Not realizing how sore my back would be (or that, while the vicodine knocks out of the pain it just doesn't quite work if you put a good portion of your weight against it) I couldn't type or read as those activities would require me to lean against my back.

No, I was confined to laying on my stomach or on my side (which even that had its limitations) and it was not conducive to my master plan. It seems someone doesn't want me to catch up on my writing - as I just refuse to do it through that much pain.

I had my bandages removed for the first time last night. I almost got as sick as when they were closing me up.

I sincerely hope that does not happen tonight. I fear that if I continue to get that close, I will eventually throw up.

~GF

What School Are You In?

So it's almost been one month since I met Abz. It's around this time that I usually sit down and start to analyze things. [Well, if I'm lucky this late, usually it's before.] And it's led me to think about what "schools" I'm in, and which ones he's in.

There's the rushing into a relationship and taking your time. I'm always the latter. I knew my boyfriends for 3 months before we were exclusive. [Or at least officially exclusive.] I firmly believe that rushing in only leads to rushing out. Not that me taking my time has produced much better results, but things that catch fire quick usually explode way more than necessary.

Then there's initiating the talk. I haven't done it, but that's more because the guys have beat me to it. That, and I'm much more cautious. I tend to wait until I know. I have no desire to get into a relationship with someone, only to realize a few weeks later that I didn't actually like them that much. That's too cruel. I can't do that to someone [though sometimes I wish I could].

The big thing with this one is I have to make sure I'm ok with the lack of not-in-person conversation. There's been a big hang-up with every guy I've dated for a few months. Some I decided I could handle, others I couldn't. D's was mainly the distance and less so was that he was mildly depressed [though not around me so it was easy to ignore, maybe not smart though]. B's was that I had just dealt with all the shit D gave me and his drinking/drugs [though when we got together it was in an acceptable range, it just escalated as the relationship wore on].

But at what point are you standing at the edge of the cliff and have to make a choice: jump or climb down? I'm the cautious one that doesn't want to jump unless I've got someone right there with me and I'm not entirely sure if I do. We've never even broached the relationship thing, so I have no idea if he's even up for it.

Do you just know when you have to make the choice? Or do you keep putting it off if in your gut you know you're going to get an answer different from what you want. Instead of delayed gratification - delayed pain.

Can you delay pain? If you can, is it the same amount of pain, or does it just collect interest during the days that you ignore it?

~GF

So Tired!

I didn't end up going to V's show. Smokin' sent me a text and wanted me to come. After making fun of him for only ever texting me to promote the band (that he's not even in!), I decided not to go.

Plus I went with my roommate, Jew [he calls himself that, so that's why I'm comfortable giving him that nickname] to pick up a PS3 (our house now has a PS2, PS3, Wii, and Xbox360). His friends were going to Howl at the Moon, which I always wanted to check out and it seemed a lot more fun that going to V's show.

Piano bars are a lot of fun. I think it would have been more fun if I knew everyone better - or if I drank more, but I definitely plan to go back at some point. Just not for any special occasions of mine. I refuse to put myself in the line of fire. Lol.

Jew's cute friend that has a girlfriend was there and so was his friend. Who was cute too, so that was a plus. Once he realized I wasn't dating Jew. Haha. Then another friend showed and proceeded to get wasted off only a few drinks. Prompting a stop a Denny's after last call.

Boy with the girlfriend was drunk and ended up sitting next to me and put his arm around me and is like "hey, play along so I can get her worked up" as the girlfriend is eyeing him across the table. [Hey, she's cool. She looked to him and not me which is exactly how it should be.]

He said that a few times and every time I laughed and said "I'm not the one that has to go home with her so I don't care."

The next night I made plans to hang out with MP and Bell met up with us. I didn't really clear it with MP [she was texting me as I was walking to the bar] but luckily Bell is awesome and they both got along. [Yay for awesome friends!]

MP kept buying me drinks. Or rather, bought be a few very strong drinks and I wasn't paying full attention and was definitely drunk by the time last call came around.

Bell took off for a blast from her past, so MP was stuck with my drunk ass. He drove my car to where it wouldn't get towed and then we walked to his car. I wish I would have enjoyed the walk more. It was almost 3am and we were walking around Lake Eola. Something I would never do alone, but being around water (especially at night) is always so calming for me and I should have paid attention. [And now, relaying the story, I want to take Abz there, or to some lake, and stroll around it late at night. Geeze, too many girlfriend-like thoughts already!]

Back to MP's cute little cottage apartment to sleep. I was supposed to go home to meet up with Abz, and my phone died so I couldn't even tell him.

I figured that if MP liked me, this would probably be the time for it to come out. Yeah, I left with no more answers that I had before. Everything was completely platonic until after we woke up (and I was still tired as shit) and half asleep on his couch. He kept tickling me and had his arms around me, etc. We'd be so close together you'd think something would happen, but nothing.

Oh well. I'm not too crushed either way. I like hanging out with him and not having a lot of guy drama right now is refreshing. [That usually only happens when I have no guys!!]

~GF

Still Playing Catch Up

So I'm still about a week behind with this thing. I figure I should catch this up to speed before I try my hand at any overly huge, insightful posts.

My weeks are boring. Work and that's pretty much it. Sometimes Abz will come over, but not a lot during the week since I have to get up early and he's one that likes to stay up late (and keep me up late).

I hadn't hung out with Stocking in a while, so I made plans with her. We headed downtown to Wallstreet for dinner after her plans with her boyfriend fell through (he was sick). Afterwards we were going to AG's band's show, and since there were good odds that the whole Moltey Crue would be there - I decided to catch her up to speeds in case I had a freak out. [good or bad]

Before we left Wallstreet, I wanted to show her around since she had never been before. Now, she's not 21 yet, but I've never had a problem before with my friends being under 21 and staying in Wallstreet as long as you get in there before they card. Hell, way back when at the rail jam I was still running around and I was only 20! And at my birthday Becca got in and stayed in no problems. (And so did Nicole even when she lost her fake.)

So it was a huge surprise when the security guards came up to ask and as for our IDs. I mean, we were leaving anyways, so I didn't care - but that's NEVER happened. So as they were escorting Stocking out, with me following, I was just sitting there amazed. I think it happened because our server was crap. I gave her an OK tip, but Stocking gave her a crappy tip to match her crappy service so she had it out for us. (And I just checked my bank account, and I wasn't even charged for the tip I did leave....weird.)

We get over to the show and make the rounds. I was surprised I hadn't seen anyone yet (even AG) until I made my way to the back bar for a drink and there was Hat Boy, V, Billy, and some of the other crew I don't talk to.

V hadn't seen me yet, and since we have our "truce" I walked to him and threw a punch at him that stopped just before it hit him square in the eye. [I have greeted friends this way, but it was soooo much fun to see him freakout. And boy, did he freakout until he realized it was me.] We hugged hello and he introduced himself to Stocking. I said hi to Billy and Hat Boy. Then V made room for me so I could order a drink.

AG saw me while I was getting my drink and said hi and introduced himself to Stocking as well. I started to play the "does he like me, or are we just cool" game with Stocking. [Spoiler alert: we ended up confused]

After chatting in the eyesight of V and company, I had to move. It still gets way weird for me sometimes. [Wait! Still? We had the truce for all of a week at that point. Nevermind.]

Everytime AG saw me he'd say hi, but that was pretty much it. He was always flitting around. Hell, he even saw me in the bathroom when the main door was open, stopped, stepped back, said hi, and then proceeded on his way.

Between bands I introduced Stocking to my photography ways. Namely, catching friends when they are off guard to get the best (and sometimes horrendous) shots.

When it was time for AGs band to play, I though picking the side of the stage would be safe. Wrong! Apparently AG is the lead singer that prefers not to be front and center and was instead in front of me.

So I had to play it cool and not look at him too much, but not ignore him either. Stocking said there was a point that he was looking at me for quite a while.

We went to get drinks, and while we were waiting this girl came up to me. Turns out she was MP's friend from the Disturbed show! AKA (the friend's newly-dubed name), Stocking, and I sat and chatted at the bar.

At some point V came up to the bar in between me and the wall. Granted, the bar is small and that was kinda the only open spot. But there's a huge bar in the back and I'm pretty sure he had a mostly full drink!

I ignored him, or at least tried to until he butted into our conversations. Then he proceeded to try and drag me into a one-on-one conversation with him and ignore my girls. Bringing up things from our past, or topics he knew I'd have to say something on, or rag him about. Or simply just grabbing me or nudging me.

Part of me hated it because he just told me a week ago why he didn't want to be with me - and that fact isn't changing anytime soon! The other part loved that I could still command his attention. That we were at a show and he chose to come up and vie for my attention.

At one point he even joked [was he joking?] about trying to get on my list. Like the list of guys I like and/or am interested in. I, of course, retorted with the fact that he took himself off that list and he can't just decide to be back on it.

He never gave a full response to that.

Stocking mentioned (out of V's earshot) that to anyone looking it seemed as if me and V were boyfriend/girlfriend, and if not that we really liked each other. I shot her an evil glare and cursed myself for being able to fall back into that so easily.

When the show was over V and the crew were leaving to this new club, Stardust. He asked me to come, but I said I couldn't unless it was 18+ because of Stocking. He said he'd text me when he got there - and asked for my number! He had forgotten to save it from last week!!

So I grabbed his phone and started to put my number in [so he couldn't have anymore excuses] and he told me to put the initials of the band we met through (which he's now in). I had seen in his phone there was no one with just my first name.

"There's no one with my first name, so I don't have to put a note"

"But that's how I know you in my phone"

"Yeah, but I'm special enough to be just my name"

He says something about someone he worked with that used to be the one with just my name and something else, but I didn't care enough to pay attention.

"Well, she's not in your phone anymore. Besides I'm still important enough to be just me. Aren't I?"

[At this point I'm not sure what game it was, but I decided to play his game back. Hence the way this is going.]

"Yes, you are important enough."

"Good, just my name then."

Saved it, and handed him back his phone.

After they left I found AG to say goodbye. We still didn't say too much to each other, so I walked away thinking that I was getting myself worked up for nothing. Just another guy that likes me when he's drunk (like Hat Boy). I'm OK with that. [I have Abz right now. lol]

Stocking and I walked around downtown aimlessly since we didn't want to pay for a cover (it was after 1am) and I was giving the crew enough time to get to Stardust to see if she could get in.

We gave up, and when we got to my car V text me, but just said that the club sucked.

So we got in and headed home.

On the main road, and V texts me asks me what we're doing. This time he text me back with the age (21+) but says they're headed back to the house.

By the time I got that text we were halfway home and not turning around for some chill after party. I texted him back.

Too late now. Guess you won't get your *gayleforce* fix tonight.

Too late for what.

Guess you'll never know now.

When I sent those texts I decided that I was going to just fuck right back with him. I mean, if he gets to act like he used to and confuse my head I have two choices 1) Stay away from him or 2) Confuse him right back. We have too many mutual friends to completely avoid him, so I've chosen to stay sane by playing his game.

Or at least playing his game that I can see. He claims honesty, but sometimes I think he's just lying to himself.

V has a show tonight. I was going to bring Stocking, but she has to work.

I don't think I'll go.

I still haven't seen the band since he joined.

~GF

Minor Not-Yet-Troubles

My days mostly consists of work. Which consists of me never wanting to get up when I should and invariably getting to work late. Which means I have to work late, making me get home late, and not get to bed early enough to keep from starting the cycle all over again.

Not to mention that it makes me tired as hell at work. I have to keep myself from falling asleep. And all the doctor appointments I have to go to this summer don't help. If I didn't have my internship I could take the time off, but I have a certain amount of hours to make.

It's exhausting.

Things seem to be going well with Abz. We always talk a bit when we meet up again, and there's obvious chemistry between us. And he's so cute and sweet to me when we are together. He's all about the little kisses sometimes [which I loved from another guy, but these are different]. I think we're headed to a good place.

The main thing that concerns me [besides whether or not he wants a relationship] is the other things that have popped up that could cause problems. We are on completely different schedules. He works until late at night, I have to get up early in the morning. I have weekends off, he always works weekends. We can work around that, but it's bothersome.

The other main thing is his lack of phone-ness. Not that I'm some girl that needs to talk to the guy five times a day or for hours at a time [shoot me if I ever do], but I'd like to not always be the one calling! I understand that he doesn't like to talk on the phone and he doesn't like texting either, so I appreciate it when he does. And so far he's always called when he said he will. (But more often then not, he leaves me with directions of when to call him.)

I'd just like to hear from him slightly more often, if even for brief moments, if I'm going to end up in a relationship with him. Like once he sent me a text "Just wanted 2 say hi." That made me smile - and that's really all I'm asking. That, and maybe him calling me when we haven't hung out in a few days to see if I'm free.

That's not too much to ask - is it??

~GF

Recap Continued...

So I was having fun at the party. Quite content in ignoring V for the most part and hanging with Bell, Smokin', AG and the rest of the crew (and newbies). AG and I were actually talking quite a bit, and maybe flirting a bit....somehow I ended up with his sunglasses [I still can't remember how, maybe picked them off the floor??] and I saw him walk out the door. I wasn't sure if he was coming back so I ran after him, only to see Bell drive off in her car.

Panic hit me at the thought of walking back into the party with Bell gone and Smokin' had left quite a while ago, so when I found out that AG was just dropping someone off I invited myself along for the ride. It was nice talking to him. I got the EP from his band [it's pretty good].

When we got back Bell had returned and I was back to having fun. Even when she left to go to another party. And I was highly amused when V fell on his ass and almost took a few guitars down with him. I was starting to remember why I got along so well with this group from the start. [Even though I've almost always been the baby of the group.]

Then somehow I found myself at the house with a bunch of people I didn't know and drunk. I was talking to Abz and trying to convince him to come pick me up without directly asking, to no avail. So I found myself crowded in the back of some SUV with some guy I just met feeling me up with no real recourse save from beating the shit out of him - which isn't a good idea when for all you know you're stuck in a car with his friends!

But I arrived at the Social with the group of wayward travel companions and AG got is in (free too!!). I spent quite a bit of talking with him, and other people too, and nursing glasses of water [my drunk ass, haha]. We were definitely flirting when at one point AG asked for confirmation on something that he heard about me [which is my own business, and I may elect to divulge here later] but he wouldn't say from who.

While he thought it was cute and that it didn't change his opinion of me, I was pissed that someone was telling my business when it wasn't theirs to tell. AG wouldn't tell me who told him, but as far as I knew only V, Smooth, and BD in that crowd knew. BD had moved almost a month before (and therefore had no idea I knew AG, but he could have told someone else in the group and it got around. He did, afterall, tell V), and Smooth had left the party a few hours before and I really saw no reason why he would do that. So I instantly thought it was V and was drunk enough to confront him.

When I spied him along I grabbed his shirt and hissed in his ear that if I found out he was telling shit he shouldn't be telling, he won't like one bit what comes to him from it.

He immediately denied it, and the look on his face seemed like he was sincere. He went on to say how he couldn't do that to me, and what happened between us stays between us. He also went on about how he likes [or was it liked?] me and thinks I'm an amazing girl, and then [FINALLY!!!] gave me an honest answer about why he decided to stop dating me [which plays into what AG found out...still deciding if that's going to become part of this].

He called a truce, and wanted to actually become friends. I decided to take his reaction as sincere and told him that if he actually held up his end - which included returning my calls if I did call him - I'd be ok with a truce. (Apparently he was at least somewhat upset that I had been all but ignoring him, so much so that he had to call me out when I said I wasn't "completely ignoring" him.)

He then told me about how he doesn't use his other phone and it just sits at his house and gave me his new number to reach him on.

V headed out and then I went to go hang with AG. As V and company were saying bye and walking out the door, I double checked with AG to see if I still had a ride. Turns out he offered me a ride when his ride was already full of a drum kit. (Even he had to share his seat with the drum!!)

So lucky (or unlucky) for V, his truce got tested out as a I frantically called him for a ride. I was able to get a hold of him, and was saying bye to AG when he gave me his number in case I didn't meet up with them for some reason. He gives those wonderfully, melt into you hugs [like V gives] and gave me a few - along with some pecks on the cheek.

I left the arms of someone I was surprised to find myself liking [afterall, he was the guy Nicole blew up at me for, and we never shared much in the taste of guys] and was headed towards someone I honestly never expected to count on again.

We had a laborious trek to the car. Two people threw up, one person lost their shoe, and I took some glee in revealing V's age to two of the girls in the group [though I was kinda bummed they were better at guessing his age then I was - but he is NOW hanging out with more people his age opposed to more people my age when I met him].

Unfortunately V fell back into his old role a bit after the truce. When we got back to the house I was going to leave, but he insisted I come in and have some water or food to "sober up". [I was quite sober, than you very much]. And after getting yelled at in the room (well someone was, it was V, Hat Boy, I'm assuming his gf, and some other chick. Someone was getting yelled at) he decided it'd be a good idea to sit next to me on the couch.

The couch at the house he "rescued" me from no more than 7 months prior when he was still my knight in shinning armor.

I found myself asking about his family member that had recently found out he had cancer while I was still dating him. Cursing myself for falling into old habits, but glad to hear that he was doing well. I think V was glad to hear that I remembered, and maybe took it to mean that I still care. [Do I still care?]

V walked me to my car and we briefly chatted a bit more about our truce, and probably chatted about the old days (I'm not sure on that, I think I blocked it out if we did). Before he left he gave me one of those melt into you hugs. I was half expecting the peck on my temple that always used to accompany that, but its absence kept me jarred to the position that we are now in.

AG and I had exchanged a few texts on what we were doing, but I hadn't heard anything since I told him I was going home. I liked him, but for some reason I was left driving home wondering whether he would still like me sober.

Abz called (or maybe I called him) and said he was too drunk to drive, so I told him to stay home since I didn't want him to get hurt. An hour or so later he called and said he was sober enough to drive if I still wanted him to come over. I was still awake, oddly not thinking about the goings on of the night, and gladly told him to come over.

The night ended with me curled up in his arms.

~GF

Back from the Abyss

Ok, so I really wasn't in any abyss or gone for any extend period of time, but I grossly ignored this journal [all the while cursing the writers of other blogs I read when I'm bored at work]. Which is surprising since I found out my work actually allows me to get onto this site because it doesn't let me get on the other networking sites. You'd think I'd be updating this every day!!

Anyways, lots has happened and yet not that much. I shall try to give a reader's digest version of the last month.

My friend MP got and extra ticket to see Disturbed so I jumped at the opportunity to see them with Five Finger Death Punch. Amazing show. I highly suggest anyone go see them if they could.

The next day I tried to go see Mindless Self Indulgence (amazing, seen them 3 or 4 times already) but it sold out moments before I got there. MP was going to go too, so since neither of us did we made plans to hang out. We were going to play lazer tag (or combat something or other that they call it) but there was a private party so by the time I got there I couldn't play.

So we head downtown and just hung out and talked. Which in the whole time I knew him it's never been just the two of us. It was nice. We switched venues and met up with his friends (that got into the show, bastards). It was two couples, so it kinda devolved down to him and me hanging out and tickle fights and arms wrapped around one another and being dangerously close to one another. Then a prolonged, multiple hug goodbye.

I had the distinct feeling a few times that he might kiss me, but he didn't. It brought back all those comments by my friends at my birthday that he liked me.

On the way home from the Disturbed show, this cutie on a street bike was flirting with me, and then gave me his number when we got stopped by traffic. I called, and we met up that Saturday, and then went out on a date the next week. I thought everything went well and I actually surprised myself by liking him more than I though. Then we were making plans to hang out again and I heard nothing. Then on Memorial Day he called me, I missed it, I called him back the next day and now nothing again!

He seemed like a good guy! I kinda don't want to let him fall by the wayside - but I really don't want to chase guys anymore. [Which is funny since he was the one that was very prompt about phone calls and meeting up.] I haven't decided whether I'm going to try and call him again.

My cough came back. Or I guess, more aptly, my asthma came back. It sucked big time. It came back with a vengeance and there was no slow build up to it. I had to go to a walk-in clinic for it and now I have all these tests for it. Not cool.

This awesome chick I know, Stocking [met her at a Christmas party wearing a giant stocking], invited me to her party on a Sunday. For being a freshman in college, she's pretty cool - so I of course went. [Trying to help her get a fake so we can go clubbing together! lol]

It was a very low-key party, but I was having quite a bit of fun. There was this one guy there, Abz, that I noticed as cute when he came in, but thought nothing after that. I guess I was in full "I don't want a guy they keep fucking up mode".

As the night wore on I ended up talking with Abz, mainly about music, and then we got kicked outta the house. He wanted to keep hanging, I had the next day off so I was cool with that. Confusion ensued and we somehow ended up back at my place watching a movie, which actually ended up making out through it all and he ended up crashing in my bed [and just crashing! well, mostly crashing].

He left in the early afternoon, and then came back after work. He somehow [with little persuasion] talked me into skipping a day at work and we hung out all Tuesday until he left at midnight so I could get some sleep. He came back over Thursday night and we went to see Iron Man [it was a cute little date! He even came in a button up shirt too!] and then he stayed until he had to go to work Friday. Then I txt him from downtown Friday night and he came over until he had work on Saturday. Repeat on Saturday night. And then he came over yesterday and walked around my neighborhood for almost two hours.

For a guy who proclaims he doesn't know how to date, or what a real date is, he sure seems to be doing date-like stuff with me.

I like him. Not sure where it's going, but right now I'm just happy with the way things are. :-D

I have surgery in three weeks. Nothing major. I'm not even getting knocked out for it - but they are taking decent sized chunks out of my skin (my back!) so I'll probably have a crappy weekend that week. I'm planning a weekend of movies, sleep, and writing. Hopefully it happens!

I think that (mostly) wraps up the past month.

~GF