Maybe? This Time??

Maybe I've finally reverted back to my old, numb self. And that idea is way more pleasing the disappointing.

I think numb isn't the right word for those that aren't inside my head. What I mean is at this point I don't really care. Though since it has been maybe 48 hours, I don't place much faith or happiness in this new-found lack of feeling.

I'd like to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship. I'm just so damn tired of the bullshit that leads up to a relationship. Mainly because it almost never (for me) actually leads up to a relationship! It always falls short. And it just gets disheartening getting so close and yet never having it.

So now, even though I'm talking to some guys I met online, and have a crush on someone that works downtown, and wants to hit up happy hour in hopes of meeting new people. I don't think I want to date.

In fact (I haven't fully decided), but I think I want to take an active step to not dating. Hanging out, going out and doing something, maybe date-like situation. But I don't want it to be dating in the official sense.

I want to go to sleep in my bed alone, wake up alone, and return at a reasonable hour. Keep it at maybe, if I really like the guy, making out.

Holding off on the Myspace and Facebook friending until I can't anymore. And maybe even keeping away from the AIM. Or maybe I should pick an AIM that's JUST for guys that I date. So I can sign off when I don't want to talk to them or be able to check up on them. Hmmm..... that's kind of a good idea. I may just have to do that.

Now to think of an unused screen name that I like....

~GF