Tuesday, May 6, 2008

"Hope is for Sissys"

The subject is a line from tonight's House. I always liked that show, and I like that line. It fits my sentiments exactly. It even fits it in context, which is even cooler.

Nothing that new and exciting to report.

Graduated on Saturday. Found out my grades on Friday, so I definitely did graduate and will get my degree.

It was rather anti-clamatic. I guess because I never not expected to be here. I knew I was going to graduate, so me graduating wasn't that big of a deal.

And any more it's expected of me. That's what I do.

Except I didn't get what I wanted by this point. The things I thought I would have - I don't. And I honestly never really got that close. Which is what makes this all more depressing.

All the hope that I had in the "it will get better in college." "Guys will come to their senses in college." "You'll have guys clamoring for you in college." Has just gone away.

It didn't happen. It hasn't. What everyone said I would get, I haven't. And instead of college is when this all will happen, it has now become "someday." I swear, someday is the new dreaded word.

I don't dread ma'am. I was called it the other day. Maybe because it was by some kid that I knew was quite a few years younger than me, or that at 22 I know that I'm not old.

But the word someday just makes my stomach turn. I hate hearing people say that. It's so ambiguous and cliche. It's what you're supposed to say, not what you believe.

How many of them actually believe that I will have that someday???

I'm not sure if I do.

~GF

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Nice Girls Finish Behind Nice Guys

So that was the topic of part of our conversation the other night. How nice girls finish last, even behind the nice guys. I mean, girls usually come to their senses before guys. So the girls wise up and go for the nice guys. And only after that do the guys wise up and go for the nice girl.

The nice girls are the ones they want to marry, and they don't want to date them until they're ready to marry. Or think they are. Until then they don't want us because they don't want to lose us and they're not ready for us.

So we're just stuck sitting around feeling awful while all the bitches in the world date even the good guys. Get them wrapped around their fingers, have all the fun while we're pulling our hair out wondering what in the hell is wrong with the world.

Now, I know I may come across as arrogant with making myself the nice girl. But I've been called that by numerous dates. I fit the stereotypical mold in quite a few ways.

And I've been called innocent way to many times to not fit into the nice/good girl category.

Oh, that and my shitty run of a love life plays perfectly into that description as well.

It's like you have that feeling that everything fits so well. You both can still be you and retain your old life, while still staying together and having that amazing connection. And then BAM! off they go to some whore of a slut and I'm left standing in the dust.

It sucks. It's really hard to keep it in your head that one day, eventually, you will win out. But it sucks not having to have another to take up your time.

Like, I mean, really, I don't want to get married right now. Or even in the immediate future. But even making that clear does little to effect the outcome.

Hell, even the dorks end up being everything I don't want them to be.

~GF