Creating Holes

What's with relationships? It seems we almost instantly forget any "lessons" we have learned the instant we meet someone new. It's like the ADD kid who see something shinny...completely forgetting about the scars from the last shine.

After every heartbreak we swear not to get attached again. To fill those holes ourselves to avoid feeling that empty void again. All in order to avoid the lost feeling.

Sometimes I believe that I actually have the strength to do that. If I'm on my own long enough, the sting of being alone rarely shows it's head. I make myself happy, and find my fun in my friends. I rely on myself and I can take care of myself.

It's funny how that can instantly change. Imperceptively so.

You don't see it happening - it creeps up on you. At first you're still on your own. It's a fun encounter, but you're still on your own and you know it.

Then little changes happen and the phone call starts making you smile. You become accustom to the kiss on your forehead goodnight. And soon you feel most comfortable wrapped up in their arms.

And then it's gone. It wasn't even around for much more than a month, but it's left so many holes it's aching.

The smile takes ten times more energy to appear than before. The silent night keeps you up instead of putting you to sleep. It feels like learning to walk all over again, even though you swore you never wanted to be here again.

Here is where you find yourself.

Some place you always hated when you were there, and never wanted to return.

Can you ever do anything to keep those holes from disappearing? Or are the imperceptible changes always going to happen??

~GF