What School Are You In?

So it's almost been one month since I met Abz. It's around this time that I usually sit down and start to analyze things. [Well, if I'm lucky this late, usually it's before.] And it's led me to think about what "schools" I'm in, and which ones he's in.

There's the rushing into a relationship and taking your time. I'm always the latter. I knew my boyfriends for 3 months before we were exclusive. [Or at least officially exclusive.] I firmly believe that rushing in only leads to rushing out. Not that me taking my time has produced much better results, but things that catch fire quick usually explode way more than necessary.

Then there's initiating the talk. I haven't done it, but that's more because the guys have beat me to it. That, and I'm much more cautious. I tend to wait until I know. I have no desire to get into a relationship with someone, only to realize a few weeks later that I didn't actually like them that much. That's too cruel. I can't do that to someone [though sometimes I wish I could].

The big thing with this one is I have to make sure I'm ok with the lack of not-in-person conversation. There's been a big hang-up with every guy I've dated for a few months. Some I decided I could handle, others I couldn't. D's was mainly the distance and less so was that he was mildly depressed [though not around me so it was easy to ignore, maybe not smart though]. B's was that I had just dealt with all the shit D gave me and his drinking/drugs [though when we got together it was in an acceptable range, it just escalated as the relationship wore on].

But at what point are you standing at the edge of the cliff and have to make a choice: jump or climb down? I'm the cautious one that doesn't want to jump unless I've got someone right there with me and I'm not entirely sure if I do. We've never even broached the relationship thing, so I have no idea if he's even up for it.

Do you just know when you have to make the choice? Or do you keep putting it off if in your gut you know you're going to get an answer different from what you want. Instead of delayed gratification - delayed pain.

Can you delay pain? If you can, is it the same amount of pain, or does it just collect interest during the days that you ignore it?

~GF