So I was having fun at the party. Quite content in ignoring V for the most part and hanging with Bell, Smokin', AG and the rest of the crew (and newbies). AG and I were actually talking quite a bit, and maybe flirting a bit....somehow I ended up with his sunglasses [I still can't remember how, maybe picked them off the floor??] and I saw him walk out the door. I wasn't sure if he was coming back so I ran after him, only to see Bell drive off in her car.
Panic hit me at the thought of walking back into the party with Bell gone and Smokin' had left quite a while ago, so when I found out that AG was just dropping someone off I invited myself along for the ride. It was nice talking to him. I got the EP from his band [it's pretty good].
When we got back Bell had returned and I was back to having fun. Even when she left to go to another party. And I was highly amused when V fell on his ass and almost took a few guitars down with him. I was starting to remember why I got along so well with this group from the start. [Even though I've almost always been the baby of the group.]
Then somehow I found myself at the house with a bunch of people I didn't know and drunk. I was talking to Abz and trying to convince him to come pick me up without directly asking, to no avail. So I found myself crowded in the back of some SUV with some guy I just met feeling me up with no real recourse save from beating the shit out of him - which isn't a good idea when for all you know you're stuck in a car with his friends!
But I arrived at the Social with the group of wayward travel companions and AG got is in (free too!!). I spent quite a bit of talking with him, and other people too, and nursing glasses of water [my drunk ass, haha]. We were definitely flirting when at one point AG asked for confirmation on something that he heard about me [which is my own business, and I may elect to divulge here later] but he wouldn't say from who.
While he thought it was cute and that it didn't change his opinion of me, I was pissed that someone was telling my business when it wasn't theirs to tell. AG wouldn't tell me who told him, but as far as I knew only V, Smooth, and BD in that crowd knew. BD had moved almost a month before (and therefore had no idea I knew AG, but he could have told someone else in the group and it got around. He did, afterall, tell V), and Smooth had left the party a few hours before and I really saw no reason why he would do that. So I instantly thought it was V and was drunk enough to confront him.
When I spied him along I grabbed his shirt and hissed in his ear that if I found out he was telling shit he shouldn't be telling, he won't like one bit what comes to him from it.
He immediately denied it, and the look on his face seemed like he was sincere. He went on to say how he couldn't do that to me, and what happened between us stays between us. He also went on about how he likes [or was it liked?] me and thinks I'm an amazing girl, and then [FINALLY!!!] gave me an honest answer about why he decided to stop dating me [which plays into what AG found out...still deciding if that's going to become part of this].
He called a truce, and wanted to actually become friends. I decided to take his reaction as sincere and told him that if he actually held up his end - which included returning my calls if I did call him - I'd be ok with a truce. (Apparently he was at least somewhat upset that I had been all but ignoring him, so much so that he had to call me out when I said I wasn't "completely ignoring" him.)
He then told me about how he doesn't use his other phone and it just sits at his house and gave me his new number to reach him on.
V headed out and then I went to go hang with AG. As V and company were saying bye and walking out the door, I double checked with AG to see if I still had a ride. Turns out he offered me a ride when his ride was already full of a drum kit. (Even he had to share his seat with the drum!!)
So lucky (or unlucky) for V, his truce got tested out as a I frantically called him for a ride. I was able to get a hold of him, and was saying bye to AG when he gave me his number in case I didn't meet up with them for some reason. He gives those wonderfully, melt into you hugs [like V gives] and gave me a few - along with some pecks on the cheek.
I left the arms of someone I was surprised to find myself liking [afterall, he was the guy Nicole blew up at me for, and we never shared much in the taste of guys] and was headed towards someone I honestly never expected to count on again.
We had a laborious trek to the car. Two people threw up, one person lost their shoe, and I took some glee in revealing V's age to two of the girls in the group [though I was kinda bummed they were better at guessing his age then I was - but he is NOW hanging out with more people his age opposed to more people my age when I met him].
Unfortunately V fell back into his old role a bit after the truce. When we got back to the house I was going to leave, but he insisted I come in and have some water or food to "sober up". [I was quite sober, than you very much]. And after getting yelled at in the room (well someone was, it was V, Hat Boy, I'm assuming his gf, and some other chick. Someone was getting yelled at) he decided it'd be a good idea to sit next to me on the couch.
The couch at the house he "rescued" me from no more than 7 months prior when he was still my knight in shinning armor.
I found myself asking about his family member that had recently found out he had cancer while I was still dating him. Cursing myself for falling into old habits, but glad to hear that he was doing well. I think V was glad to hear that I remembered, and maybe took it to mean that I still care. [Do I still care?]
V walked me to my car and we briefly chatted a bit more about our truce, and probably chatted about the old days (I'm not sure on that, I think I blocked it out if we did). Before he left he gave me one of those melt into you hugs. I was half expecting the peck on my temple that always used to accompany that, but its absence kept me jarred to the position that we are now in.
AG and I had exchanged a few texts on what we were doing, but I hadn't heard anything since I told him I was going home. I liked him, but for some reason I was left driving home wondering whether he would still like me sober.
Abz called (or maybe I called him) and said he was too drunk to drive, so I told him to stay home since I didn't want him to get hurt. An hour or so later he called and said he was sober enough to drive if I still wanted him to come over. I was still awake, oddly not thinking about the goings on of the night, and gladly told him to come over.
The night ended with me curled up in his arms.
~GF
Monday, June 16, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I'm Losing My Mind
So I was always the person with the great memory. I remembered stuff from when I was a little kid that my mom even forgot until I describe it in detail. I remember stuff and details without even thinking about it. It just pops back in my head (sometimes at inopportune times and sometimes I really hate that ability and sometimes it's handy).
But as of late my memory has sucked. At least when it comes to names. Unless I hear your name a couple of times (usually from meeting you multiple times) I forget your name. It's unreal. I don't really like it. I kinda feel bad.
I think I'd be more worried about this change, if I actually cared more about remembering their names!!
[I really only feel bad when they remember mine - which happens too much!]
~GF
But as of late my memory has sucked. At least when it comes to names. Unless I hear your name a couple of times (usually from meeting you multiple times) I forget your name. It's unreal. I don't really like it. I kinda feel bad.
I think I'd be more worried about this change, if I actually cared more about remembering their names!!
[I really only feel bad when they remember mine - which happens too much!]
~GF
Party Recap
Earlier in the week my friend, Bell, had informed me that Hat Boy and his band were throwing a party on Saturday and asked if I'd heard about it. I hadn't, but that's more because they always forget to invite me and then ask why I didn't show!! I told her that I'd go if she did - mainly because I knew V would be there and wanted back up so I could stay away from him.
Then she tells me she has to work and can't go. I wasn't that disappointed. Until she IMs me Saturday afternoon and asks if I was at the party!! At that point I didn't fully want to go, but I knew it'd be fun with her. Also, minus V, the whole group is a lot of fun.
I walk in the door and one of the first people I see (after Bell) is Smooth. He totally gave me a "what the fuck are you doing here" look. It was kind of funny. I mean, seriously, I met V through this crowd and I've known them for almost 3 years now - longer than they have!! It's not that shocking.
Next I saw Smokin'. I love that boy. He always gives me complements and is cool as shit. Last time I saw him a cop strong-armed me as I tried to hug him. Apparently I was trying to cut in the line for pizza and now they have cops against that.
I followed the convo and Smokin' out to the porch - where V and Smooth were. Striked up a convo with Smooth and Smokin' but ignored V. Eventually he came over and I returned his hi or said a few words his way when necessary.
I ran into AG (Acoustic Guitar) there. It was so random, but I should have known. When I met him mere days before Nicole blew up at me, we bonded over the fact that we both new the boys of Hat Boy's band [maybe I should nickname the band too, it's getting confusing!].
So we chatted for a while and he asked how Nicole was. I told him we weren't friends anymore and when he asked why and I told him that from her side it was basically him. He laughed, and I told him the story [skim through a post like 2 mths back].
He confirms that I wasn't treating her bad at all that night, and that I definitely did nothing to ruin her chances. Her, on the other hand, ruined her own chances by always coming up with excuses so he gave up on her. Yeah, he was still messaging her when she blew up on me acting like he never called.
He also wasn't too happy to find out she was only 20 when she told him she was 23!!! That felt good. His friend [and bandmate???] was like noooo that's way too young for you man.
AG was a lot cuter than I remembered....
I was actually having a lot of fun [the alcohol probably had a good bit to do with it], which I didn't really expect with this group.
Even through the drama that ensued as the night wore on, I still had fun.
To be continued....
~GF
Then she tells me she has to work and can't go. I wasn't that disappointed. Until she IMs me Saturday afternoon and asks if I was at the party!! At that point I didn't fully want to go, but I knew it'd be fun with her. Also, minus V, the whole group is a lot of fun.
I walk in the door and one of the first people I see (after Bell) is Smooth. He totally gave me a "what the fuck are you doing here" look. It was kind of funny. I mean, seriously, I met V through this crowd and I've known them for almost 3 years now - longer than they have!! It's not that shocking.
Next I saw Smokin'. I love that boy. He always gives me complements and is cool as shit. Last time I saw him a cop strong-armed me as I tried to hug him. Apparently I was trying to cut in the line for pizza and now they have cops against that.
I followed the convo and Smokin' out to the porch - where V and Smooth were. Striked up a convo with Smooth and Smokin' but ignored V. Eventually he came over and I returned his hi or said a few words his way when necessary.
I ran into AG (Acoustic Guitar) there. It was so random, but I should have known. When I met him mere days before Nicole blew up at me, we bonded over the fact that we both new the boys of Hat Boy's band [maybe I should nickname the band too, it's getting confusing!].
So we chatted for a while and he asked how Nicole was. I told him we weren't friends anymore and when he asked why and I told him that from her side it was basically him. He laughed, and I told him the story [skim through a post like 2 mths back].
He confirms that I wasn't treating her bad at all that night, and that I definitely did nothing to ruin her chances. Her, on the other hand, ruined her own chances by always coming up with excuses so he gave up on her. Yeah, he was still messaging her when she blew up on me acting like he never called.
He also wasn't too happy to find out she was only 20 when she told him she was 23!!! That felt good. His friend [and bandmate???] was like noooo that's way too young for you man.
AG was a lot cuter than I remembered....
I was actually having a lot of fun [the alcohol probably had a good bit to do with it], which I didn't really expect with this group.
Even through the drama that ensued as the night wore on, I still had fun.
To be continued....
~GF
Monday, June 9, 2008
Quick Update!
Mainly to remind myself to update about this weekend before I forget!
Spent Friday night at home playing the Wii with my roommates and some of their friends. It was fun. I still suck at SmashBrothers no matter how many times I play it.
Our kitchen was an utter mess - and most of it wasn't mine. But I ended up cleaning up a lot of it because it was just so disgusting. And I needed clean plates. So not cool. My roommates better get on that shit.
Headed to a party Saturday that I knew about and didn't think I was attending. Then my friend, Bell, got out of work and we went. [Well more like I met her there over an hour after she got there - I got distracted!]
And that's basically where the update is. Because that entire event involves Hat Boy, V, Smooth, Billy, Bell [of course], and a whole bunch of other people that I have yet to make up names for. [Hey, I didn't realize one of them was going to keep popping up in my life!]
But I have been at work way too long. So party update either tonight or tomorrow.
~GF
Spent Friday night at home playing the Wii with my roommates and some of their friends. It was fun. I still suck at SmashBrothers no matter how many times I play it.
Our kitchen was an utter mess - and most of it wasn't mine. But I ended up cleaning up a lot of it because it was just so disgusting. And I needed clean plates. So not cool. My roommates better get on that shit.
Headed to a party Saturday that I knew about and didn't think I was attending. Then my friend, Bell, got out of work and we went. [Well more like I met her there over an hour after she got there - I got distracted!]
And that's basically where the update is. Because that entire event involves Hat Boy, V, Smooth, Billy, Bell [of course], and a whole bunch of other people that I have yet to make up names for. [Hey, I didn't realize one of them was going to keep popping up in my life!]
But I have been at work way too long. So party update either tonight or tomorrow.
~GF
Friday, June 6, 2008
Back from the Abyss
Ok, so I really wasn't in any abyss or gone for any extend period of time, but I grossly ignored this journal [all the while cursing the writers of other blogs I read when I'm bored at work]. Which is surprising since I found out my work actually allows me to get onto this site because it doesn't let me get on the other networking sites. You'd think I'd be updating this every day!!
Anyways, lots has happened and yet not that much. I shall try to give a reader's digest version of the last month.
My friend MP got and extra ticket to see Disturbed so I jumped at the opportunity to see them with Five Finger Death Punch. Amazing show. I highly suggest anyone go see them if they could.
The next day I tried to go see Mindless Self Indulgence (amazing, seen them 3 or 4 times already) but it sold out moments before I got there. MP was going to go too, so since neither of us did we made plans to hang out. We were going to play lazer tag (or combat something or other that they call it) but there was a private party so by the time I got there I couldn't play.
So we head downtown and just hung out and talked. Which in the whole time I knew him it's never been just the two of us. It was nice. We switched venues and met up with his friends (that got into the show, bastards). It was two couples, so it kinda devolved down to him and me hanging out and tickle fights and arms wrapped around one another and being dangerously close to one another. Then a prolonged, multiple hug goodbye.
I had the distinct feeling a few times that he might kiss me, but he didn't. It brought back all those comments by my friends at my birthday that he liked me.
On the way home from the Disturbed show, this cutie on a street bike was flirting with me, and then gave me his number when we got stopped by traffic. I called, and we met up that Saturday, and then went out on a date the next week. I thought everything went well and I actually surprised myself by liking him more than I though. Then we were making plans to hang out again and I heard nothing. Then on Memorial Day he called me, I missed it, I called him back the next day and now nothing again!
He seemed like a good guy! I kinda don't want to let him fall by the wayside - but I really don't want to chase guys anymore. [Which is funny since he was the one that was very prompt about phone calls and meeting up.] I haven't decided whether I'm going to try and call him again.
My cough came back. Or I guess, more aptly, my asthma came back. It sucked big time. It came back with a vengeance and there was no slow build up to it. I had to go to a walk-in clinic for it and now I have all these tests for it. Not cool.
This awesome chick I know, Stocking [met her at a Christmas party wearing a giant stocking], invited me to her party on a Sunday. For being a freshman in college, she's pretty cool - so I of course went. [Trying to help her get a fake so we can go clubbing together! lol]
It was a very low-key party, but I was having quite a bit of fun. There was this one guy there, Abz, that I noticed as cute when he came in, but thought nothing after that. I guess I was in full "I don't want a guy they keep fucking up mode".
As the night wore on I ended up talking with Abz, mainly about music, and then we got kicked outta the house. He wanted to keep hanging, I had the next day off so I was cool with that. Confusion ensued and we somehow ended up back at my place watching a movie, which actually ended up making out through it all and he ended up crashing in my bed [and just crashing! well, mostly crashing].
He left in the early afternoon, and then came back after work. He somehow [with little persuasion] talked me into skipping a day at work and we hung out all Tuesday until he left at midnight so I could get some sleep. He came back over Thursday night and we went to see Iron Man [it was a cute little date! He even came in a button up shirt too!] and then he stayed until he had to go to work Friday. Then I txt him from downtown Friday night and he came over until he had work on Saturday. Repeat on Saturday night. And then he came over yesterday and walked around my neighborhood for almost two hours.
For a guy who proclaims he doesn't know how to date, or what a real date is, he sure seems to be doing date-like stuff with me.
I like him. Not sure where it's going, but right now I'm just happy with the way things are. :-D
I have surgery in three weeks. Nothing major. I'm not even getting knocked out for it - but they are taking decent sized chunks out of my skin (my back!) so I'll probably have a crappy weekend that week. I'm planning a weekend of movies, sleep, and writing. Hopefully it happens!
I think that (mostly) wraps up the past month.
~GF
Anyways, lots has happened and yet not that much. I shall try to give a reader's digest version of the last month.
My friend MP got and extra ticket to see Disturbed so I jumped at the opportunity to see them with Five Finger Death Punch. Amazing show. I highly suggest anyone go see them if they could.
The next day I tried to go see Mindless Self Indulgence (amazing, seen them 3 or 4 times already) but it sold out moments before I got there. MP was going to go too, so since neither of us did we made plans to hang out. We were going to play lazer tag (or combat something or other that they call it) but there was a private party so by the time I got there I couldn't play.
So we head downtown and just hung out and talked. Which in the whole time I knew him it's never been just the two of us. It was nice. We switched venues and met up with his friends (that got into the show, bastards). It was two couples, so it kinda devolved down to him and me hanging out and tickle fights and arms wrapped around one another and being dangerously close to one another. Then a prolonged, multiple hug goodbye.
I had the distinct feeling a few times that he might kiss me, but he didn't. It brought back all those comments by my friends at my birthday that he liked me.
On the way home from the Disturbed show, this cutie on a street bike was flirting with me, and then gave me his number when we got stopped by traffic. I called, and we met up that Saturday, and then went out on a date the next week. I thought everything went well and I actually surprised myself by liking him more than I though. Then we were making plans to hang out again and I heard nothing. Then on Memorial Day he called me, I missed it, I called him back the next day and now nothing again!
He seemed like a good guy! I kinda don't want to let him fall by the wayside - but I really don't want to chase guys anymore. [Which is funny since he was the one that was very prompt about phone calls and meeting up.] I haven't decided whether I'm going to try and call him again.
My cough came back. Or I guess, more aptly, my asthma came back. It sucked big time. It came back with a vengeance and there was no slow build up to it. I had to go to a walk-in clinic for it and now I have all these tests for it. Not cool.
This awesome chick I know, Stocking [met her at a Christmas party wearing a giant stocking], invited me to her party on a Sunday. For being a freshman in college, she's pretty cool - so I of course went. [Trying to help her get a fake so we can go clubbing together! lol]
It was a very low-key party, but I was having quite a bit of fun. There was this one guy there, Abz, that I noticed as cute when he came in, but thought nothing after that. I guess I was in full "I don't want a guy they keep fucking up mode".
As the night wore on I ended up talking with Abz, mainly about music, and then we got kicked outta the house. He wanted to keep hanging, I had the next day off so I was cool with that. Confusion ensued and we somehow ended up back at my place watching a movie, which actually ended up making out through it all and he ended up crashing in my bed [and just crashing! well, mostly crashing].
He left in the early afternoon, and then came back after work. He somehow [with little persuasion] talked me into skipping a day at work and we hung out all Tuesday until he left at midnight so I could get some sleep. He came back over Thursday night and we went to see Iron Man [it was a cute little date! He even came in a button up shirt too!] and then he stayed until he had to go to work Friday. Then I txt him from downtown Friday night and he came over until he had work on Saturday. Repeat on Saturday night. And then he came over yesterday and walked around my neighborhood for almost two hours.
For a guy who proclaims he doesn't know how to date, or what a real date is, he sure seems to be doing date-like stuff with me.
I like him. Not sure where it's going, but right now I'm just happy with the way things are. :-D
I have surgery in three weeks. Nothing major. I'm not even getting knocked out for it - but they are taking decent sized chunks out of my skin (my back!) so I'll probably have a crappy weekend that week. I'm planning a weekend of movies, sleep, and writing. Hopefully it happens!
I think that (mostly) wraps up the past month.
~GF
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
"Hope is for Sissys"
The subject is a line from tonight's House. I always liked that show, and I like that line. It fits my sentiments exactly. It even fits it in context, which is even cooler.
Nothing that new and exciting to report.
Graduated on Saturday. Found out my grades on Friday, so I definitely did graduate and will get my degree.
It was rather anti-clamatic. I guess because I never not expected to be here. I knew I was going to graduate, so me graduating wasn't that big of a deal.
And any more it's expected of me. That's what I do.
Except I didn't get what I wanted by this point. The things I thought I would have - I don't. And I honestly never really got that close. Which is what makes this all more depressing.
All the hope that I had in the "it will get better in college." "Guys will come to their senses in college." "You'll have guys clamoring for you in college." Has just gone away.
It didn't happen. It hasn't. What everyone said I would get, I haven't. And instead of college is when this all will happen, it has now become "someday." I swear, someday is the new dreaded word.
I don't dread ma'am. I was called it the other day. Maybe because it was by some kid that I knew was quite a few years younger than me, or that at 22 I know that I'm not old.
But the word someday just makes my stomach turn. I hate hearing people say that. It's so ambiguous and cliche. It's what you're supposed to say, not what you believe.
How many of them actually believe that I will have that someday???
I'm not sure if I do.
~GF
Nothing that new and exciting to report.
Graduated on Saturday. Found out my grades on Friday, so I definitely did graduate and will get my degree.
It was rather anti-clamatic. I guess because I never not expected to be here. I knew I was going to graduate, so me graduating wasn't that big of a deal.
And any more it's expected of me. That's what I do.
Except I didn't get what I wanted by this point. The things I thought I would have - I don't. And I honestly never really got that close. Which is what makes this all more depressing.
All the hope that I had in the "it will get better in college." "Guys will come to their senses in college." "You'll have guys clamoring for you in college." Has just gone away.
It didn't happen. It hasn't. What everyone said I would get, I haven't. And instead of college is when this all will happen, it has now become "someday." I swear, someday is the new dreaded word.
I don't dread ma'am. I was called it the other day. Maybe because it was by some kid that I knew was quite a few years younger than me, or that at 22 I know that I'm not old.
But the word someday just makes my stomach turn. I hate hearing people say that. It's so ambiguous and cliche. It's what you're supposed to say, not what you believe.
How many of them actually believe that I will have that someday???
I'm not sure if I do.
~GF
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Nice Girls Finish Behind Nice Guys
So that was the topic of part of our conversation the other night. How nice girls finish last, even behind the nice guys. I mean, girls usually come to their senses before guys. So the girls wise up and go for the nice guys. And only after that do the guys wise up and go for the nice girl.
The nice girls are the ones they want to marry, and they don't want to date them until they're ready to marry. Or think they are. Until then they don't want us because they don't want to lose us and they're not ready for us.
So we're just stuck sitting around feeling awful while all the bitches in the world date even the good guys. Get them wrapped around their fingers, have all the fun while we're pulling our hair out wondering what in the hell is wrong with the world.
Now, I know I may come across as arrogant with making myself the nice girl. But I've been called that by numerous dates. I fit the stereotypical mold in quite a few ways.
And I've been called innocent way to many times to not fit into the nice/good girl category.
Oh, that and my shitty run of a love life plays perfectly into that description as well.
It's like you have that feeling that everything fits so well. You both can still be you and retain your old life, while still staying together and having that amazing connection. And then BAM! off they go to some whore of a slut and I'm left standing in the dust.
It sucks. It's really hard to keep it in your head that one day, eventually, you will win out. But it sucks not having to have another to take up your time.
Like, I mean, really, I don't want to get married right now. Or even in the immediate future. But even making that clear does little to effect the outcome.
Hell, even the dorks end up being everything I don't want them to be.
~GF
The nice girls are the ones they want to marry, and they don't want to date them until they're ready to marry. Or think they are. Until then they don't want us because they don't want to lose us and they're not ready for us.
So we're just stuck sitting around feeling awful while all the bitches in the world date even the good guys. Get them wrapped around their fingers, have all the fun while we're pulling our hair out wondering what in the hell is wrong with the world.
Now, I know I may come across as arrogant with making myself the nice girl. But I've been called that by numerous dates. I fit the stereotypical mold in quite a few ways.
And I've been called innocent way to many times to not fit into the nice/good girl category.
Oh, that and my shitty run of a love life plays perfectly into that description as well.
It's like you have that feeling that everything fits so well. You both can still be you and retain your old life, while still staying together and having that amazing connection. And then BAM! off they go to some whore of a slut and I'm left standing in the dust.
It sucks. It's really hard to keep it in your head that one day, eventually, you will win out. But it sucks not having to have another to take up your time.
Like, I mean, really, I don't want to get married right now. Or even in the immediate future. But even making that clear does little to effect the outcome.
Hell, even the dorks end up being everything I don't want them to be.
~GF
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