"Hope is for Sissys"

The subject is a line from tonight's House. I always liked that show, and I like that line. It fits my sentiments exactly. It even fits it in context, which is even cooler.

Nothing that new and exciting to report.

Graduated on Saturday. Found out my grades on Friday, so I definitely did graduate and will get my degree.

It was rather anti-clamatic. I guess because I never not expected to be here. I knew I was going to graduate, so me graduating wasn't that big of a deal.

And any more it's expected of me. That's what I do.

Except I didn't get what I wanted by this point. The things I thought I would have - I don't. And I honestly never really got that close. Which is what makes this all more depressing.

All the hope that I had in the "it will get better in college." "Guys will come to their senses in college." "You'll have guys clamoring for you in college." Has just gone away.

It didn't happen. It hasn't. What everyone said I would get, I haven't. And instead of college is when this all will happen, it has now become "someday." I swear, someday is the new dreaded word.

I don't dread ma'am. I was called it the other day. Maybe because it was by some kid that I knew was quite a few years younger than me, or that at 22 I know that I'm not old.

But the word someday just makes my stomach turn. I hate hearing people say that. It's so ambiguous and cliche. It's what you're supposed to say, not what you believe.

How many of them actually believe that I will have that someday???

I'm not sure if I do.

~GF