In a little more than two weeks I will be graduating with my undergraduate degree. How freaking crazy is that?? It feels like I just got to college the other day. The reality hasn't sunk in yet.
In three weeks I will start working 40 hours a week. I've come close to working 40 hours a week, but never for the almost 4 months that I will be. It's crazy. The closest thing to a "real job" I will have before I get my real job. Which includes me having to wake up super early to make it to work because of the long commute.
Looking back, I'm trying to reflect on all that I learned, but at the same time I'm trying not to think about it all. School was easy - personal life, not so much. I've worked my ass off to get to the point where they're not on the forefront of my thought.
While I don't regret most of what happened, I'd like to not think about it anymore. I don't want it weighing on me anymore. Which is really hard to do. Especially with this tech-centered age where I'm bombarded by information about ex's and guys I used to date. In some ways it's nice to know that years from now we could reconnect and become friends or something, but at the moment I really don't want to be around it.
I don't like having BB's pictures with his stupid girlfriend pop up on my screen when I log in. Saying they broke up? Fine. Pictures of her tongue down his throat? Seriously, does anyone have class anymore?
I'm worried for my generation and the one after us. Does no one realize that ANYTHING you post on the Internet, in all likelihood, will stay on the Internet forever?? Even if you deleted it, it could be archived somewhere or someone put it on their page or somewhere else and it's there and still tied to you.
I try to only post stuff I won't want to delete later on. Mabye other people should try that....
~GF
Showing posts with label bb. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bb. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Deja Vu
So what apparently is par for the course for me had happened again. Things were going great with BB. Though he had me wondering for a while because he didn't kiss me the first four times we hung out, but we would flirt a lot online and talk a lot so it didn't add up. Then finally he came over to watch a movie and pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me and then was just like "movie's over" and proceeded to curl up in my bed instead of leave like he did previous times. And after talking for a while he finally kised me and that was it. We both couldn't stop. I didn't want to fall to fast, but I was happy and he made me smile.
Then he invited me over to his place the next night. He was supposed to come to mine, but his roommate had blocked him in so I drove over. And it was so cute. We made out, he always had his arms around me, and it was starting to feel right. He was always away online for the next few days, so I just figured he was busy. Then I sent him a really cute message after a show I went to asking for a massage since he always liked giving me one, and strangely didn't hear back.
I log on to Facebook [God do I freaking hate these online communities most of the time] and it says he's in a relationship! And considering I hadn't talked to him in like five days, I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. So today, I call him and left him a voicemail asking what was up - in more words then that. He called back almost immediately and fessed up to being a dick and that he should have told me. He said something about it happening the day after I spent the night (not sure if it was the day of the morning I left or the next day) and then backtracked to say he didn't get in a relationship that day. So that basically means that he met her and in less than a week she was his girlfriend, but after dating me for a few weeks I was easily tossed aside.
Of course BB goes on about how he wants to be friends, and that he understands if I don't want to be because he was a dick. I can't really hate him, I just hate the fucking situation!! I was starting to really like him, and I thought he was different and it turned out not to be!
That, and if he did just meet her I REALLY hope it becomes one of those burn-quick relationships. I don't hate him but I SO don't want it to last. Hey - I'm improving, it's not like I want his heart to break over it all. I'd just like it to be short, and then maybe be able to... well I should just stop talking about this shit.
~GF
Then he invited me over to his place the next night. He was supposed to come to mine, but his roommate had blocked him in so I drove over. And it was so cute. We made out, he always had his arms around me, and it was starting to feel right. He was always away online for the next few days, so I just figured he was busy. Then I sent him a really cute message after a show I went to asking for a massage since he always liked giving me one, and strangely didn't hear back.
I log on to Facebook [God do I freaking hate these online communities most of the time] and it says he's in a relationship! And considering I hadn't talked to him in like five days, I'm pretty sure it wasn't me. So today, I call him and left him a voicemail asking what was up - in more words then that. He called back almost immediately and fessed up to being a dick and that he should have told me. He said something about it happening the day after I spent the night (not sure if it was the day of the morning I left or the next day) and then backtracked to say he didn't get in a relationship that day. So that basically means that he met her and in less than a week she was his girlfriend, but after dating me for a few weeks I was easily tossed aside.
Of course BB goes on about how he wants to be friends, and that he understands if I don't want to be because he was a dick. I can't really hate him, I just hate the fucking situation!! I was starting to really like him, and I thought he was different and it turned out not to be!
That, and if he did just meet her I REALLY hope it becomes one of those burn-quick relationships. I don't hate him but I SO don't want it to last. Hey - I'm improving, it's not like I want his heart to break over it all. I'd just like it to be short, and then maybe be able to... well I should just stop talking about this shit.
~GF
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Playing Catch Up
So I start this to work on refining my writing skills and to find inspiration, and I can't even keep it up!! I'll try to recap the last few days as quickly as possible.
Friday I went ice skating with my friends Dawn and Susan. Besides all the little kids trying to kill us on the ice, it was pretty fun. On my way home I decided to stop by this new guy's show. We had been talking online for a bit (hey, sometimes this internet thing works) and the show was like 5 minutes from my house so I figured I'd stop by. I forgot to look at BB's photos before I left and was really hoping he'd recognize me. I heard his name, so I thought it was him (hell, he's 6'5 so he's kinda hard to miss) and luckily he came up to me.
Luckily he was also cute, and we got along pretty well. His band was good too, always a plus. It'd be difficult to date a guy when I didn't like his band. We left it with a semi-awkward hug, but we continued chatting online once we got home. He seems to not be the typical musician, but I've thought that before. I was starting to have a crush on his friend, Nekid, but I knew that he was like the stereotypical musician that I want to stay away from. It's good that I'm starting to recognize those! He totally stripped on stage though. I look up and I see a naked ass and a well-placed guitar....I really didn't want to see him naked on stage, so I'm glad I didn't.
On Saturday I had a migraine, which means I was lazying around the house doing nothing and not feeling well. Yet again alone. Migraines are something you definitely don't want to be alone for. When you're in that much pain, it would be comforting to be able to curl up in someone's lap. I got a message from another guy I had been chatting online with, Bandanna, and he was in town and wanting to meet up. It was at night already, and with my migraine earlier.
Leaving the decision up to my friend Sterling, I hopped in the shower and quickly grabbed an outfit out together and ran out the door. Little did I know a cold front had hit Florida, but I soldiered on. Getting into the bar I realized I spent all my cash on the parking, and they require $10 minimum for credit cards. Bandanna showed up just in time, and was even a gentlement and bought my drink. He's a few inches shorter than me, but so was D so the height doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother them.
So I was having a blast with Bandanna dancing and getting to know him. When out of the corner of my eye I see sudden movement, which catches my attention and I turn around to look and I see Billy, a mutual friend of mine and V, and I realized that the sudden movement was V ducking behind a pole to hide once he saw me. I wanted to say hi to my friend Billy, but I decided to ignore the whole situation.
I'm still hanging out with Bandanna when V's roommate Smooth walks out from behind the wall and acts all surprised when he catches my eye. I adore him to death, so I didn't care that it was obvious that V sent him out as a buffer or something. So I ran up to him and chatted with him briefly before he disappeared behind the pole. So I went back to dancing with Bandanna, when someone grabs hold of my hip and then lets go. I turn around to find the elusive V had decided to talk to me.
"Hey, how are you" he said.
"Great. You."
"Good."
And our conversation is interrupted by an awkward silence. Him not knowing what to say, or not having the guts to say it, and me refusing to say anything to the guy that had ignored me for the last two months but decided to come up to me with a big grin on his face like nothing happened. We exchanged a hi and a wave, but nothing more was said. I met his stare with darting my eyes around nervously, and eventually shrugging my shoulders with my face reflecting the thought of "I have nothing to say to you." He said something, but I couldn't hear the words coming out of his mouth, and then he pointed to where his group was heading. Maybe he wanted me to follow, but I wasn't giving him the satisfaction of that. I came to meet Bandanna, not stir up some drama with V.
His group hovered near ours for the rest of the night. For the times I've hung out with the group, it seemed quite odd. No matter where I was in the club, I could look up and see V within a short distance of me, but never making a move to talk. It even went so far that when I went to get a glass of water, I returned to find V and his (and our) friends mere feet from Bandanna and his friend. I ignored them as I passed by.
I'm sure he wanted to say more from me, but didn't want to say it in front of Bandanna and didn't want to make it seem forced to get me away from him. I felt slightly good that V had to watch me dance and hang out with Bandanna, especially in the spot where we first hung out and danced together. It was nice to know it was him that ran, and he that used his friends to figure out our run in, while I got to be completely cool about the situation and come out with a complete smile on my face.
Sunday I met up for a Walmart date with BB. When ran around Walmart for a short bit and got to talk. He's definitely someone I could see myself hanging out with. But we ended it again with an awkward hug, though slightly less awkward then before. Maybe it's because he's so much taller than me. Hugs with my brother who's that tall have always been awkward, though that's a whole other issue. Though my hug with Scuba, have never been awkward like that. Then again, we were never close to dating.
Is it bad that when I saw BB the first time, I was like man he's cute. But if he just switched out his clothes for this he'd be freaking hott. Sigh, sometimes guys need a girl to tell 'em how to dress. But I don't want to tell him and let some other chick snag him up.
~GF
Friday I went ice skating with my friends Dawn and Susan. Besides all the little kids trying to kill us on the ice, it was pretty fun. On my way home I decided to stop by this new guy's show. We had been talking online for a bit (hey, sometimes this internet thing works) and the show was like 5 minutes from my house so I figured I'd stop by. I forgot to look at BB's photos before I left and was really hoping he'd recognize me. I heard his name, so I thought it was him (hell, he's 6'5 so he's kinda hard to miss) and luckily he came up to me.
Luckily he was also cute, and we got along pretty well. His band was good too, always a plus. It'd be difficult to date a guy when I didn't like his band. We left it with a semi-awkward hug, but we continued chatting online once we got home. He seems to not be the typical musician, but I've thought that before. I was starting to have a crush on his friend, Nekid, but I knew that he was like the stereotypical musician that I want to stay away from. It's good that I'm starting to recognize those! He totally stripped on stage though. I look up and I see a naked ass and a well-placed guitar....I really didn't want to see him naked on stage, so I'm glad I didn't.
On Saturday I had a migraine, which means I was lazying around the house doing nothing and not feeling well. Yet again alone. Migraines are something you definitely don't want to be alone for. When you're in that much pain, it would be comforting to be able to curl up in someone's lap. I got a message from another guy I had been chatting online with, Bandanna, and he was in town and wanting to meet up. It was at night already, and with my migraine earlier.
Leaving the decision up to my friend Sterling, I hopped in the shower and quickly grabbed an outfit out together and ran out the door. Little did I know a cold front had hit Florida, but I soldiered on. Getting into the bar I realized I spent all my cash on the parking, and they require $10 minimum for credit cards. Bandanna showed up just in time, and was even a gentlement and bought my drink. He's a few inches shorter than me, but so was D so the height doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother them.
So I was having a blast with Bandanna dancing and getting to know him. When out of the corner of my eye I see sudden movement, which catches my attention and I turn around to look and I see Billy, a mutual friend of mine and V, and I realized that the sudden movement was V ducking behind a pole to hide once he saw me. I wanted to say hi to my friend Billy, but I decided to ignore the whole situation.
I'm still hanging out with Bandanna when V's roommate Smooth walks out from behind the wall and acts all surprised when he catches my eye. I adore him to death, so I didn't care that it was obvious that V sent him out as a buffer or something. So I ran up to him and chatted with him briefly before he disappeared behind the pole. So I went back to dancing with Bandanna, when someone grabs hold of my hip and then lets go. I turn around to find the elusive V had decided to talk to me.
"Hey, how are you" he said.
"Great. You."
"Good."
And our conversation is interrupted by an awkward silence. Him not knowing what to say, or not having the guts to say it, and me refusing to say anything to the guy that had ignored me for the last two months but decided to come up to me with a big grin on his face like nothing happened. We exchanged a hi and a wave, but nothing more was said. I met his stare with darting my eyes around nervously, and eventually shrugging my shoulders with my face reflecting the thought of "I have nothing to say to you." He said something, but I couldn't hear the words coming out of his mouth, and then he pointed to where his group was heading. Maybe he wanted me to follow, but I wasn't giving him the satisfaction of that. I came to meet Bandanna, not stir up some drama with V.
His group hovered near ours for the rest of the night. For the times I've hung out with the group, it seemed quite odd. No matter where I was in the club, I could look up and see V within a short distance of me, but never making a move to talk. It even went so far that when I went to get a glass of water, I returned to find V and his (and our) friends mere feet from Bandanna and his friend. I ignored them as I passed by.
I'm sure he wanted to say more from me, but didn't want to say it in front of Bandanna and didn't want to make it seem forced to get me away from him. I felt slightly good that V had to watch me dance and hang out with Bandanna, especially in the spot where we first hung out and danced together. It was nice to know it was him that ran, and he that used his friends to figure out our run in, while I got to be completely cool about the situation and come out with a complete smile on my face.
Sunday I met up for a Walmart date with BB. When ran around Walmart for a short bit and got to talk. He's definitely someone I could see myself hanging out with. But we ended it again with an awkward hug, though slightly less awkward then before. Maybe it's because he's so much taller than me. Hugs with my brother who's that tall have always been awkward, though that's a whole other issue. Though my hug with Scuba, have never been awkward like that. Then again, we were never close to dating.
Is it bad that when I saw BB the first time, I was like man he's cute. But if he just switched out his clothes for this he'd be freaking hott. Sigh, sometimes guys need a girl to tell 'em how to dress. But I don't want to tell him and let some other chick snag him up.
~GF
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